How Zexion Stole Christmas
by Axel-P
Summary: A The Grinch parody. Zexion always hated Christmas and he had to stop it from coming!


Disclaimer: Zexion, Nobodies, The World That Never Was, Heartless, The Castle That Never Was (c) Tetsuya Nomura. How The Crinch Stole Christmas (c) Dr. Seuss

**How Zexion Stole Christmas**

**

* * *

**

Every Nobodies Down in The World That Never Was Liked Christmas a lot...  
But Zexion, Who lived just north of The World, inside The Castle That Never Was, Did NOT!  
Zexion hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.  
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.  
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.  
But I think that the most likely reason of all,  
May have been that his non-existent heart was two sizes too small.  
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Nobodies,  
Staring down from his window with a sour, Grinchy frown,  
At the warm lighted windows below in the world.  
For he knew every Nobodies down in The World That Never Was beneath,  
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
Then he growled, with his deft fingers nervously drumming,  
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For Tomorrow, he knew, the entire Nobody girls and boys,  
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!  
Noise! Noise! Noise!  
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!  
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
Then the Nobodies, young and old, would sit down to a feast.  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!  
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
They would feast on pudding, and rare roast beast.  
This was something Zexion couldn't stand in the least!  
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!  
Every Nobody down in The World, the tall and the small,  
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.  
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Nobodies would start singing!  
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!  
SING! SING! SING!

And the more Zexion thought of this Christmas Sing,  
The more Zexion thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"  
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"  
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"  
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!  
ZEXION GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
"I know just what to do!" Zexion laughed in his throat.  
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.  
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great trick!"  
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"  
"All I need is a reindeer..." Zexion looked around.  
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop young Zexion? No! Zexion simply said,  
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"  
So he called his heartless dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,  
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.  
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,  
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.  
Then Zexion said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,  
Toward the rooms where the Nobodies Lay asnooze in the world.  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the Nobodies were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.  
When he came to the first house on the 11th street.

"This is stop number one," young Zexion Claus hissed,

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.  
But, if Santa could do it, then so could Zexion.  
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.  
Where the little flower stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Zexion, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!  
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the feast!  
He took the pudding! He took the roast beast!  
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
Why, that Nobody even took their last can of hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
"And NOW!" grinned Zexion, "I will stuff up the tree!"  
And he grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,  
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and he saw Number XI!  
Little Marluxia, who was not more than two.  
Zexion had been caught by this Nobody,  
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

He stared at Zexion and said, "Santy Claus, why,"  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"  
But, you know, that young Zexion was so smart and so slick,  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
"Why, my sweet Number XI," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."  
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."  
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted his head,  
And he got him a drink and he sent him to bed.  
And when Marluxia went to bed with his cup,  
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire!  
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
And the one speck of food that he left in the house,  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
Then He did the same thing to the other rooms  
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the Nobodies!  
It was quarter past dawn... All the Nobodies, still a-bed,  
All the Nobodies, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
Three thousand feet down! Up the side of The Castle That Never Was,  
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

"PoohPooh to the Nobodies!" he was grinchishly humming.  
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,  
Then the Nobodies down in The Castle will all cry Boohoo!"  
"That's a noise," grinned Zexion, "That I simply MUST hear!"

So he paused. And Zexion put his hand to his ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow.  
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!  
He stared down at The World That Never Was! Zexion popped his eyes!  
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
Every Nobodies down in The World, the tall and the small,  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
And Zexion, with his boots ice-cold on,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"  
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags!"  
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.  
Then Zexion thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then? Well...in The World they say,  
That Zexion's non-existent heart grew three sizes that day!  
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,  
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
And he, HE HIMSELF! Zexion carved the roast beast!

* * *

Ai: So that's it! Merry Christmas, everyone!

ALL Characters(including the Nobodies and Heartless): Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year!! :D


End file.
